Home OpinionComrade Tichatonga The artistry of political turncoats

The artistry of political turncoats

by commuadmin
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There once was a professor called JM who happened on the Zimbabwean political arena. He once was a fierce and fiery critic of the Rural Party from his academic bases across continents.

Then he came back to be the mouth piece of the Constitutional Commission before the referendum which saw Zimbabweans rejecting the draft constitution. This was to be the Advent of the real fight put up by the Modern Divergent Confounded (MDC).

Anyway, I digress, the learned Professor made a meteoric rise in the Rural Party’s corridors.

He rose in prominence to almost practically running the country through his propaganda machinery. He was Minister of Information and Publicity and during his tenure saw to the espousing and implementation of 100% local content, from music to comic news, to downright vitriolic nonsense disguised as patriotism.

He was later on deposed, stood as an independent candidate and retained the Tsholotsho Constituency, where, conversely the Tsholotsho Declaration was held. He has risen so fast to being in the Rural Party politburo and also to being in the cabinet.

He was then dropped like a hot potato, and I vividly remember an article in the Sunday Mail in which he trashed Joyce Mujuru as an illiterate non-entity. The punch line for Cde Tichatonga will always be the line that he penned regarding the former Vice President – she cannot even spell her first name, sometimes she spells it ‘Joice’ sometimes ‘Joyce’.

Hahaha Cde Tichatonga laughed plenty-plenty. He was out attacking the Rural Party people, and then he bounced back again as Minister of Higher and Tertiary Education, and proposed STEM in a country without any meaningful industrial activity. Hahaha zvenyika ino soo. Ahh Yas.

Well, so what is the lesson here nhai Cde Tichatonga, some might ask!? Well, in the past few days we have seen a couple of former opposition party big wigs joining the Rural Party.

Ohh, salutations. After a week investigating issues happening in the corridors of power Tichatonga will be wanting to belt out all before his small memory crushes with facts overload.

Greetings and salutations to you dear comrades, this is your one and trusted O’vet who witnessed the tribabilas incident; muera nhema who when he lies his teeth decay. The only academic credential I have is speaking truth to power.

Back to my nyaya Comrades before my memory crushes!

Yes, they say politics is a dirty game. For some reason or other, Cde Tichatonga does not subscribe to that truism. If played well, it needs not be dirty. But the Zimbabwean political landscape is so littered as to give Chinamasa reason to officially announce and open more dustbins. There is real filth going on. Yes, there are no permanent friends and enemies in politics they say, but maybe that applies to life in general.

That Blessing Chebundo would one day stage such a spectacular turncoat stunt is evidence of the artistry that I am talking about. Chikomana chepaKwekwe apa chaakufarira Auxilia chaizvo. This one takes the trophy. Nhai Blessing, ko zvakarasika papi nhai Bhule?

What about Gutu. Overnight he is already a mujubha and also a former Zanu PF cadre. Social media has not been to his favor as in his own writng he ince wrote he never was a Zanu PF supporter. Chayiiii!

Like former Vice President Joyce Mujuru who once was the hero who bombed down a helicopter before being stripped of the credit, Gutu was arrested for confronting a white administrator back in war and we all know what will happen soon lol. His story not superior than the traibabilas incident though kkk. Zvimwe muti munitamba vakomana!

Ko nhai hama dzangu chii chaizvo chakaitika to one of my best men on the African continent, Cde Magufuli? He is one man who reminded me a lot of our own nonagenarian President RG.

He stood for something, he was fearless in his approach and was not afraid of making tough calls. It was his controversial stance and skepticism on Corona and its vaccine(s) which comes into sharp contrast.

He faced the bull head on. He did not duck and dive. RG faced the land issue head on and obviously the consequences are there for all to see, both the pros and cons. Manje naMkoma Scarfmore, haaa one wonders whether we are coming or going.

Hats off to Lucia Matibenga and her success in the case against Tendai Biti. Haaa the circus in the opposition circles continues. Hahahaha, seka zvako muera nhema. Pane ane number dzake here ndimbomupinzira nhare? Chete since the o’vet pensions have been eroded by inflation, topping up airtime inhau hombe chaiyo.

I also hear Zanu PF has been serving a dish called Matemadanda in the past weeks. Has any of you eaten it. Rinonaka here…? Is it now available in any restaurant…? Anyone who has word of even the recipe kindly send message with the garbage truck because by the time it reaches kwedu kudumpsite kwatogara ndendatopinda.

Ko nyaya yeDisplacement yevanhu nekuda kwekuti mombe dziri kuda kurimirwa sora yasvikepi? Nehanda should be turning in her grave for real. Reversing revolutionary gains my foot!

Ko seiko zvose zvakaipa zvichiitwa nevanhu vanenge vachinzi vane kaukama naScarfmore? Haaa nxa mhani. ‘The voice of the people is the voice of God’ – he once quipped. But it seems the fish surely rots from the head. The rot in the Rural Party knows no bounds.

One wonders whether the man has ears that hear the real voice of the people. Hanzi chibvai nevanhu! The voice of the people is the voice of God, the voice of Scarfmore and the Rural Party is the gunshot!

Ko Mtapa vending stalls zvamira sei apooo. Haaaa manje soo!? I hear the party is playing front role taking over council business kuita ravo Thereafter chikomana Nick will tweet that MDC led councils have failed. Nick naMabhemadanda draw-draw six lo nine.

Chete opposition yacho yavewo mamvemve. Mazara zvipfukuto muparty umo. Some Chefs are dining with the Croc every day and when they come back home, they pretend to be part of change ivo vabva kunotengesa. We know them by name and once my mujibas get proof we will expose them.

Ko nhai Tendai Munyanduri uripko. We could be eating beacon and eggs for breakfast kutaura kuno kkk pidigu dhiii negotsi. Surely its better to vote for breakfast than zvirikutitonga izvi nxaaa.

I am getting to that point where I feel those who work in cohorts with the ferret force would accuse me of yep-yep. Yes, like I always say, speaking your thoughts is a crime in Zimbabwe when it’s however permissible in our capital city South Africa kkk. If you know you know. Yes, through the Patriotic Bill they are officially planning to criminalise yep-yep kkk. Zvindinoona ini!

But before I go, am told more charges are coming in for the City of Gweru Housing Director Tigere who is facing criminal abuse of office charges. My mujibas are reliably informed that further investigations show that he awarded himself and his wife stands and also charged himself the price he could afford. Power is sweet isn’t it?

Masvingo Shit council is also in the mix this week as am told it’s fighting artists who have utilised the Charles Austine’s Theatre for art development. They have since served the drama club with a notice so that they hire out the venue to churches kkk. This country needs a complete engine overhaul for real! Alderman Doug Hill should be turning in his grave.

Till next time folks, listen to yourself intently, join the voice, and add yours.

Regai ndimbokuchidzira mazondo angu. Mbuya Mafidhe vatosvina 7 days yacho, pfuko yemuzukuru is fermenting away. Pass my regards to MoreHardy and he is invited for two cups of the home brewn opaque. I will buy him two cups if he shows up.

Adious amigos.

Cde Tichatonga.

Out!

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