Home OpinionComrade Tichatonga Complications of the new season

Complications of the new season

by commuadmin

Cde Tichatonga

Need I say much than a mere mention of the ‘Gaffa President’ Winky D.

Let’s all agree Comrades, this guy is the King of Revolutionery music in Zimbabwe.

Even my brother Mapfumo gives him a bow deep down in his heart.

Vamwe voti ndezve politricks vamwe voti hazvisi. How more complicated should this new season be?

Vamwe voti odya zvevapfupi nekureba ari Dubai iye obuda hake ari mujecha. How more complicated should this new season be kkk?

But I never change, I just shoot in the hip forgetting salutations my comrades. My first salutation for 2023 to make matters worse.

Revolutionary greetings Comrades and Comradees from your own one and true o’vet who bombed the Tribabilous and who when he lies his teeth decay. I say complications of the new season to you!

As we all look ahead of a peaceful poll, we were greeted with scenes of violence in Murehwa. How confident are we of a peaceful erection ahead as my dear friend Guvheya said in his first public speech.

As if that’s not enough, _kwakasungwa harahwa ichinenedzerwa mhosva iyi_ when the viral violence video clearly showed us youthful faces in the act of this said violence.

Even when our dear President was still parliamentarian of the mighty Chirumhanzu-Zibagwe no such incidences were witnessed.

Agh ko mukutoshamisika, yes, he was a rural MP before being promoted to VP in the first republic, later demoted by the same republic (demotion causing him to run for dear life, partially a boarder jumper but this is story for another day) and later promoted to presidency through what the second republic don’t want to call a coup under the rural party ticket he administers today kkk.

Anyway, is the election even coming considering dust that is rising over the delimitation process.

If yes, which boundaries are we going to use and which voters roll again.

Talking of new boundaries, my dear brother Amos Chibaya would not want those disturbed as it’s a chance for him to participate in yet another election after hilding on to the Mkoba constituency for five successive terms with only a library and funeral assistance being some of his most notable achievements.

No wonder why the dark corridors of opposition political chancers always say Zimbabweans love political parties more than their countries and thus campaign under the opposition banner knowing they will have straight wins which are even beyond their capacity.

January disease hoyeeee!

Me looked carefully at how almost cry evil serpent ohh sorry these ghetto yuts are getting to me, l meant civil servants are dissatisfied by their remuneration, even after the government paid them an extra cheque.

It however got me thinking about the numerous professions in the civil service and how sad most are.

Of course you and l know that probably the best Job in the House of Hunger for a number of years past has been being a o’vet.

We are the best. We have farms, a good standing in government, a whole ministry to our affairs, a pension, disability grant, respect in the print media and the airwaves, awe inspiring presence and a say in the gorvenance of the country. What a time to be a o’vet.

Yakasvikawo here 40k loan kuma constituency uko?

But l digress folks. Cde Tichatonga also had an epiphany. Has anyone noticed how well mannered Rural Party and Chama Chama Change politicians are United when ‘eating?’ They chew huge chunks dutifully with their mouths closed.

Well done comrades. Whoever has taught these my erstwhile cadres table etiquette did a damn good job over a period spanning more than 5 decades. Now, that is commendable folks, by any stretch of the imagination. Kudos great Rabbi (whoever you might be! Ohhh and don’t Rest In (piss) Peace too).

Folks just let us go down memory lane from the time of Cde Handiende. The Willow gate story.

Kumbirai Roast and the GMB story…

Prof Tsholotsho and the ZIMDEF story…

Ignatius Weapon(of mass destruction) and his tenure at the helm of stands and land apportionment…

Cde Morehardy in the House of Hunger Affairs…

Billions disappearing while Zimbabweans starve…

Madam Henrietta and the Asia gate issues, and recently the Rumous of Ophir treasure bag…

The overnight amendment to the constitution to allow Chief Injustice Falcrum to continue in power…

Command Opposition benefiting BaBertha in Parky when no one voted him in…

DDF the silent operator…

Then of course Number 1 and his family being embroiled in the Covid tenders issue…

Ummmn tinyareiwo mhani.

Folks, are we blind or are we morons? Or are we being taken for both?

Eish, I think am now spitting fire so I will pen off for now lest I will be accused of yep-yep. Yes, in Zimbabwe talking your mind may be criminalized. You never know.

But before I go Comrades, has anyone seen or heard from Stern Zvorwadza? Kkk, should we divert subject and talk of activism in Zimbabwe… let me not scare these eating committees and leave the topic for another day.

Please note, I have moved from the Wiodlands Dumpsite on notice that they want to demolish my home. Am now back kwedu kwaChirumhanzu, the land of of honey and milk and dust with nothing to show for it though.

Today’s menu: mashazhare and matumbu and kutodya fast because zvingatonhora nekugwamba.

Till next time folks, adios amigos. Cde Tichatonga, Out!


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