Home OpinionComrade Tichatonga The rural party insider

The rural party insider

by commuadmin

I take great pride in breaking my own rules. I mean rules, not promises. What are promises but tiny sweets we use to force smiles on kids? I enjoy passing and dispensing Statutory Instruments like confetti. Who cares challenge me?

I am Ozimandias, King of Kings, reigning super me over my subjects. They are of no intellectual standing, let alone courageous against my impunity. I control the brainwaves through airwaves, and I love my arsenal cabinet which is well oiled and always on the ready.

Airwaves and the magic bullet I prefer, but don’t, even for a fleeting moment, think I cannot open my armory against anyone who won’t bow down to my dictates. If the former fails of the above, I will gladly indulge the other. Of course, I am the RURAL PARTY.

Greeting and salutations to you dear comrades, this is your one and trusted O’vet who witnessed the tribabilas incident; muera nhema who when he lies his teeth decay. The only academic credential I have is speaking truth to power.

Of course, I have been observing, with keen interest, the developments in Uganda, hahahaha, so that Rookie, Bobby Wine actually thought he would unseat my good friend Museveni? Hahaha, seka zvako weDzimbabwe!

We have set the precedent in Southern Africa. Who dares, and who cares? The one grand move of course was giving the urban populace some hope by announcing the vote count results in towns before coming in with the decisive rural count! …and boom, Yoweri wins with a resounding landslide! Museveni is a good and fast learner…and no prizes for guessing where he learnt the Internet closure antiques! I am a good teacher.

Talking about Mudha, we have been discussing his recent Chinese wake-up in the dark corridors of power. Yes, he has been in hospital for a while and now discharged. Some say COVID-19 some say otherwise. Some have even now say he has nine live. Yjo; that’s a packed statement, isn’t it?

Hopefully Hopewell has learnt his lesson. That one is slowly becoming a thorn in the side. You know that grain of sand in your shoe? That is this Chin’ono clown. Of course, him, Sikhala and Fadzai Mahere are serious offenders we have to keep them under armed guard and bring them to court in leg irons, and handcuffed.

They might just orchestrate an insurrection, one thing we are determined not to tolerate. There are some uncouth characters calling on us to disclose what happened to Itai Dzamara and our Gukurahundi antics, well, I have news for those detractors who are hell bound on causing alarm and despondency in Zimbabwe: you are not going to get a word out of me and my cronies.

So, Nick, hahahaha, Nick, my beloved Nick. I have always told you, my subjects, that Nick has a chocolate flavored foot. He puts his foot in his mouth and shouts big and loud nothings. His recent monologues about Doctors killing Rural Party bigwigs was a great one.

We will not hesitate to call Doctors to order. They are agents of imperialism and the CIA. They are a bunch of mercenaries, who want to unseat a democratically elected government. Mangwana, Mnangagwa, it is in the names I must say.

So, one is accused of peddling a falsehood and thrown into prison, Hopewell, and another peddles a falsehood about Doctors killing Rural Party bigwigs and is still allowed to keep talking. This is beyond double standards. Chimuremwaremwa chinenge shiri, asi chinenge mhuka zvakare. Let’s not even discuss the burial procedures of the confreres who recently had their virus ridden bodies interred at the Rural Party cemetery. I made it categorically clear earlier, I enjoy breaking my own rules.

Well, Tichatonga decided to just walk around the mental corridors of these goons in power for a while this week and what he discovered there was nothing short of shocking as I have already indicated above. This regime has gone rogue, and they have normalised the abnormal.

They thrive on inconsistencies, on strong arm antics. The bottom line being, mugotidii? We will unleash Nick, who in Tichatonga’s opinion, is doing a terrible job at trying to convince a Zimbabwean populace that is now so done with this Rural Party that it watches the news and government statements as comedy shows now, and an international community that is seeing through the facades of Mwonzora’s sorry attempt at official oppositiondom and its cozying up with the Rural Party as an unprecedented stupidity.

I am getting to that point where I feel those who work in cohorts with the ferret force would accuse me of yep-yep. Yes, like I always say, speaking your thoughts is a crime in Zimbabwe when it’s however permissible in our capital city South Africa kkk. If you know you know.

Till next time folks, listen to yourself intently, join the voice, and add yours.

So lonely these days the Officer’s Mess is closed and I have no where to solicit for cold beverage. Sad how I am so lonely kwedu kwatinogara kudumpsite where bad odor, flies among many other ills are the order of the day.

Adious amigos.

Cde Tichatonga.


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