Home OpinionComrade Tichatonga Disappointments with Appointments

Disappointments with Appointments

by commuadmin
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Apologies folks for missing last week. Yours truly was camped outside Shake Shake Building awaiting Scarfmore’s Command Contentment scheme and Command Appointments especially to the National Commissariat and the Diplomatic Missions especially of course the Mozambique one.

I am glad to finally join Zimbabwe in celebrating the strategic appointment of two astute politicians and dedicated Rural Party cadres to these key departments.

During our time in Chimoio with Cde Mabhemadanda, he could only muster 2 Portuguese words, Viva and Nada (Pamberi and No! Kuramba pachiPutukezi), and so, it is with great interest and hope that Cde Mabhemadanda’s appointment will not only reinforce and expedite the importation of the much-needed mabhero into Zimbabwe, but also help him personally with improving his Portuguese vocabulary. The man recently received his post graduate degree handiti!?…and immediately after that vakatanga zvavo kutuka MDC Alliance, exposing the Rural Party’s game plan on Command Opposition naMukoma Douggie.

Hanzi, “Hatisati tatamga kuirakasha MDC Alliance nechikomana Nero.”

Vakabva vadaniwa ipapo ipapo naIdhiii (Amin), mushonga unouraya ipapo ipapo! Hamenowo MDC Alliance naChamisa vekuMozambique ikoko. Kkkkk, ko zvino tichapati kudii?

Asi tell me something Comrades before I waste time on these rather lame issues…how could a whole President spend time with a comedian or should I say an insane pastor? While the nation is looking forward to the President holding serious talks, he is busy shouting tswibidi! Haaa zvimwe muti munotamba vakomana. They say birds of the same feathers flock together and surely kana iriyo engagement and re-engagement yacho tavebhooo!

Ohh I always shoot from the hip; memories of war. Salutations! After a week investigating issues happening in the corridors of power Comrade Tichatonga will be wanting to belt out all before his small memory crushes with facts overload.

Greetings and salutations to you dear comrades, this is your one and trusted O’vet who witnessed the tribabilas incident; muera nhema who when he lies his teeth decay. The only academic credential I have is speaking truth to power.

Another appointment Comrades…The Bin Commander bounced back this time making it in the National Commissariat. We are already looking forward to opening of more bins especially in the City Center because tsvina yawandaaaa iiiii plus such developments will serve the likes of Ngarivhume from arbitrary arrests as they try to bring sanity in the forever dirty streets of Harare. It will further save the tax payer’s money as no police will be deployed to monitor Nero while he holds clean ups. We welcome you back in the game Cde Chinamasa.

Ko ndiyo yatinoti progresska iyi. Ko economy yamunogaro chema nayo ine basa rei? ‘You see, inspite of sanctions, we are doing our utmost to improve livelihoodse – they need Bins! #Vapei maBin! #BinsToThePeople’

Kkkkk ahhh Mai vangu Moyo iweee nx nx nx! Ko Roy Bennet wakaendepiko nhai hama? Dai aive pedyo otionerawo shura iri! Ndiye oga shumba yaPatso!

Ahhhh….’nyaaangwe ndikadhakwa seihandikanganwe musuva weSadza…!’ taiimba rwiyo urwu tichangobva kuhondo!

Handingakanganweka the most important (dis) appointment of the week, nyaya yaCde ava kuRural Party HQ in a Permanent Capacity. Kkkkkk. ahh, zvatinoitirwa kuRural Party kwedu uku! K(Ambero) Mohadi pfee paShake Shake Building zvavo with a truckload of condoms. Haaa zvakaoma. Ipapo ipapo ndakabva ndakiira Mai Tichatonga mumba! No more kumonera maZambia ane misoro yevarume vaye or going close to that Building with that celebrated pornstar. Nada! kuramba paChiPutukezi, NaBaba vangu Nerwande!

Aikaka ko can someone please enlighten me on the goings on naRuka Malaba wandakarota achinzi ari kuramba kuenda kunozorora? Ahhh since I was camped outside Shake Shake Building for 4 nights, I thought dzaive hope dzechando, ahhh what’s really going on folks? Mbombo iyi handiti ine purazi and ‘farm mechanisation’ courtesy of Gono and Made (which was never paid back), nevazukuru here? Why would anyone so endowed refuse to go and rest?

He has already set a few precedents in our case laws, so what more would Ruka want? Or is that Judge’s gavel so addictive sefodya yeNgidhi? Unless of course Scarfmore wants him in office for another reason altogether!? Even Mabhemadanda naEnergy Mutodi would confirm that there are lots of capable younger Judges who can be Chief Justice in our country, but nooooo, not while our Rural Party is still at the helm. They love and thrive on creaking doors! It’s not rocket science.

Still on the Ruka issue, I hear Zumbani Zumbani is now seeking spiritual guidance to silence Parliament from asking the Malaba issue. Kkkk asi liswa haikona kudaro shamwari. Kuita kugwejenura. I bet we should give you a slot along with Bhozhongora mopota muchitiudza zvevaroi as well as zvekumasowe nhaika kkkk!

Haaa tazosvika panonakidza the dynamics of State Capture manje, or is it State Rapture? This is the Apex. Uchada imwe yakadiiko nhai Mutsvangwa? MaSoja tose tinoziva they can throng the streets to kill anyone who dares to think of, let alone show disagreement with Scarfmore and his cronies at the snap of the Commander In Chief’s fingers, tozoita a Mickey Mouse Mothlante enquiry later; Mapurisa and their selective and command application of the law and arbitrary arrests.

I am getting to that point where I feel those who work in cohorts with the ferret force would accuse me of yep-yep. Yes, like I always say, speaking your thoughts is a crime in Zimbabwe when it’s however permissible in our capital city South Africa kkk. If you know you know. Yes, through the Patriotic Bill they are officially planning to criminalise yep-yep kkk.

Ahhh before I go folks, talking about appointments, ko is there a prize for ingenuity? Whoever in the Rural Party thought of appointing Mbuya Nehanda (well that statue….to make matters worse) to ‘oversee’ Zim affairs deserves special mention. Ndiyo progress iyoyo! Pamberi neRural Party. Ko has a team been appointed yet to see to the exhumation of Mugabe’s corpse?

Ko I also seek to know kuti ndiyani chaizvo akutonga this country. The other day, Idhiii is saying magitare ngaatsve mangwana acho Skilled Rebhara says hakuna zvakadaro. Haaa hanzi wazviona siya zviripo kkk kasi Comrades tinyareiwo please!

Till next time folks! Better ndinange kundari nenyama yemusoro wemombe yakagombegwa kwaMharuro kwaMbuya MaFidhe. You can’t really spend a night while sobber because tsvina kwedu kudumpsite haisati yabviswa. It seems it’s the trend in all cities saka unobva watoshaya kuti zvikumbofamba sei!

Aluta Continuation MaComrades.

Adios Amigos.

Tichatonga, Out!

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